I believe I hit one of my lowest points during the Fall of 2020, there was a cumulation of
difficulties I faced piled together to really test if I was up to the challenge. Before explaining, I
need to address that I have since risen up to a place where I’m proud of who I am, that
everything below didn’t stop me.
It was the start of my third year of university, everything was converted to online learning due to the quarantine and honestly, I hated my program. After graduating high school I feel like I chose my major on a whim and went for the difficulty, assuming that if I made it through that degree it would lead somewhere. When I tried to think of my future I couldn’t see any career I wanted with this and I felt stuck. The expectations of others as well as my own kept me from making any change, that and the fear of change itself. I won’t go into much detail, but I was struggling to deal with the breakup of a long-term relationship at the time as well. It made the semester feel so much different at a moment where I was already having difficulty. As if that wasn’t enough, I was also attempting to keep up streaming on Twitch too! Balancing school and streaming can be a nightmare, but it was one of the things keeping me going and I knew I had to continue on Twitch.
I lost most motivation to try in my classes, I wasn’t sleeping, streams were getting cancelled, and I felt alone. I tried to take everything on by myself and the weight of it could have crushed me. One of the hardest things to do was to make the decision to seek help, admitting I wasn’t okay on my own and letting someone in. As difficult as it was, that is where the healing began. I opened up to my family about my struggles, we got in touch with a therapist which ended up being wonderful. I talked to my friends with who I had been distant and it was a reminder of how incorrect I was to ever feel alone in the first place.
After speaking with a guidance counsellor, the best course of action was to drop the classes I was in and take time off from school for the following semester. I didn’t even know it was an option until that discussion! I’d be able to use the Winter of 2021 to reflect on what new major I may want to go into. I felt free. I could spend time on what I wanted to do without an ounce of guilt, so I put it all into Twitch. I treated it as if it were a full-time job and committed to something I knew made me happy. Through this, I was able to find myself again. I became a part of a community full of so much love and compassion. I learned I have the capabilities to help others, even if all I’m doing is being a goof on a screen for others to watch. The experiences I’ve had on Twitch have lead me down a new path, one where I look forward to the road ahead. This Fall 2021 I’ll be starting up a new program at my university in which I can actually see my end goal. It all turned around. It all got better. If the Ryrden from a year ago today could see me now, I know he’d be so proud.
I found my own independence, I found where my passions lie, and I found a new me who’s ready to take on the world and experience the most of it each day at a time.
Projekt ROBIN 